Regarding our efforts as skateboarders to legalize it downtown, I realize I probably set us back a bit with my stupid antics in court and general lack of respect for any of their procedures and rules, but I sure had a fantastic time doing it. Before I was even allowed in the building, my board was taken by a cop who would only tell me her first name. I could read her last name right on her McDonald’s style name tag they wear, but she still refused to say it to me. She also admitted to making the “no skateboards in court” rule up herself after I asked her if there’s a law on the books against that. Oh well. I was wearing the most obnoxious drug shirt I could find so I wasn’t expecting any respect from anyone.
I proceed to Division C, Courthouse 10 and begin to film the Officer Doofies out front with a camera around my neck while they obtain my information. My case is not on file because my name was spelled incorrectly. How is Officer Doofy going to solve a crime if he doesn’t even have enough attention to detail to correctly copy down someone’s properly spelled last name from a driver’s license? Amazing.
Anyway, Doofy #1 spots me messing with my camera and instructs Doofy #2 to, “Go inside and tell the judge he’s got a camera and he’s filming.” Doofy #1 leaves for a minute, comes back, and takes my camera. He then lets me into Courtroom C. Minutes later, Doofy #1 spots me taking a photo with my iPhone, calls me out from clear across the room while an actual court case is in progress, comes over, and escorts me out of the courtroom. I was sitting in the front row so I got to do the walk of shame in front of all the degenerates in the court while he escorted me to the back and out the door. I could hear people talking about my shirt as I walked out laughing to myself. Doofy lectures me, takes my phone, and makes me wait outside for a few minutes. He then comes back in and tells me the judge will allow me back in court, but this is my final warning.
After hearing several cases in a row ahead of me having to do with marijuana charges, it’s my turn. “Mr. Meronek, you’ve been charged with the misdemeanor crime of skateboarding downtown.” Several people in the court snicker behind me. After a little bit of banter between the judge and I, he asks me if I just want to get the judgment now and be done with the issue. At least that’s what I think he meant. After I said yes, he said the charges are dropped and I need to pay $300 in court costs.
Dismissed. He didn’t say anything about my shirt. I retrieved my camera, phone, and skateboard on the way out and skated home, illegally. See you soon, Officer Doofy. Thanks for a morning full of entertainment.
I wish I was funny. Sometimes I try too hard. You'll see if you read here.